___With so much competition to strive and compete for the things we want in life, many of us are struggling with the subtle balance between having healthy self-esteem and operating with an over inflated ego. For some people it’s a material thing, for others it’s a certain level of professional accomplishment and for most of us there is the question of still appearing attractive and feminine to the rest of the world. At first glance ego and self-esteem may seem interlinked, as most women with healthy self-esteem also want nice things, to achieve professional accomplishments and to be physically attractive to others. However, to simplify the distinction, women with healthy self-esteem don’t need to be better than someone else or measure up to her in order to feel valid about who they are. Women and men who operate from their ego are usually in a state of constant comparison. They seek out and critique all aspects of other people to see where they stack up. If their perception dictates that they stack up against the person to whom they are comparing themselves, their ego is left in tack, to fall short means they end up feeling less than or unworthy, particularly of validation and love.
Self-centered people in general are constant victims to an uncomfortable emotional state and are easily offended by what they perceive others are doing to them. They intentionally look for the injustices in life so they can tout around their self-importance by reiterating every minute transgression they experience to the people they come in contact with. We all know a person like this, they’re the one who comes into work almost every morning with some tragic story about the car that cut them off, the store clerk or hairdresser who was rude or the waitress who offered poor service. Their level of awareness doesn’t allow them to analyze the situation and see that the thoughts and actions of others have little if anything to do with them directly.
I’m sure if you are somewhat of a television watcher or seminar taker, you’ve either heard of or are becoming quite familiar with the concept of the Law of Attraction, ask yourself “What kind of life experiences do you think the person operating from their ego is attracting to themselves?” If you stop to think that the Universe is always reflecting back to us that which we really believe about ourselves, then isn’t the person who is a slave to their ego likely to attract less than situations because of a lack of genuine self-worth. Remember, there are no pauses or do-overs in relation to the reality we create, regardless of our emotional state. If our perspective is distorted by our insecurities (i.e. I’m not good enough because …) then we are unable to see the most accurate choices that will result in our best and highest good.
A good way to begin raising our self-esteem, sans the ego, is to monitor our own self-talk. Many times a day we berate ourselves for an intangible reason. We have a thought about something we should have, should be or should do, then spend hours coming up with all the reasons we are not good enough to do, be or have them. Creating a positive inner dialog about who you are can be life altering. Another powerful tool is to refrain from comparing ourselves to others. We see celebrities, athletes or other notable figures and think “Well, she has this or that and I don’t, so that’s why my life isn’t as good as hers.” I use to get caught in this cycle a lot. Anytime I went to write an article, present a workshop or give a talk, I would compare myself to others that I perceived to be better than me. When I created the idea in my mind that I didn’t measure up, I’d feel less than or embarrassed about where I thought I was on the totem pole. I got over this by realizing that I am the best me there is ever going to be and I have something of value to offer.
Another part of this process is learning to take care of you as a worthy person. That means making healthy lifestyle choices for yourself as it relates to your health and fitness, how much time you spend improving yourself, how many hours you work, the quality time you spend with loved ones and how much rest you get. If you have a question about how you treat you, ask yourself, “If I was my best friend, would I want me treating myself the way I currently do?” and there you will find your answer. Paying attention to all of these things from a place of knowing you are worthy of the best that life has to offer will automatically increase the health of your self-esteem.
Here’s a simple exercise you can do everyday, throughout the day to increase your self-esteem …
Either look at yourself in a mirror or find a quiet place where you can close your eyes and say the following phrases a loud or to yourself …
1. I am free of the positive or negative opinions of others. I am my source of validation and mine is the opinion who counts about me.
2. I am neither above nor beneath anyone. I am equal to all human beings and they are equal to me. I treat all persons with equal respect and know I am worthy of respect in return.
3. I move fearlessly towards my goals, knowing the best and highest good will be a result of all of my choices.
4. I am the best me there is ever going to be and I have something of value to offer the world. Understand that there is a direct correlation between attracting positive situations to yourself and knowing your self-worth. You can only attract into your life, that which you are being. When you come to know your worth and let go of operating from your ego you will begin to cultivate dreams long forgotten because you didn’t think you were good enough to attain them. Having healthy self-esteem means you are motivated to take action towards your goals because you know this is life, not a dress rehearsal and it can only be what YOU make of it.
Shared by Morgan McKean
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