Many of us have a very special person from our past, that we dated and loved and sometimes feel as though they were the one that got away. He or she was wonderful and in love but it's possible you didn't know it at the time because you may not have valued the relationship enough and eventually broke up. You think about them and often wonder how they’re doing, what they are doing, and usually compare everyone to them. We reminisce about the times we had with them, the places we went, and we
wonder if they may be there right now. We tend to place the “one that got away” on a pedestal of solid gold which all others dare to touch. We compare their humor, knowledge, looks, even sex to every other candidate. Meaning: these thoughts may be true or hold a percentage of the truth but they hold truth nonetheless. We tend to look back toward at our past love with great nostalgia and grave personal regret. We worry we may have missed out on the love of our life, and we wonder if we’ll ever love again, and if we will ultimately ever find the one.
Life is poetic, what we think about comes to us and what we think we lost we will have forever lost. When we feel we lost the best relationship we feel isolated and not to pursue anyone or anything. Feeling as though our ship has sailed, we allow ourselves to wallow in self regret, disabling ourselves of letting go of what was and what is no longer. We seem to possess the inability to see the reality in front of us. If the one that got away was the one, why did they go away? Why do we
love them more when they are gone? The two factors that play a major role in this situation is timing and personal direction. Timing in every relationship is crucial. When the timing is not right, the relationship has no chance of working. Timing in relationships applies to age, place in life, mental clarity and maturity level. I thought I had lost the love of my life when I was 18, but in reality I hadn't, instead I dodged a bullet. We sometimes confuse what true love really is. So, if the timing is wrong we often times force the relationship and push the boundaries, but eventually figure out that it will fail, it will just take longer to do so.
Going through this process spurred me to look within myself and it helped me put into perspective the way we treat others, our respect level, and how and what to do in a future relationship. However, I realize, the one that got away still holds real estate in your mind. If you catch yourself putting them on a pedestal, thinking about them, wondering who they are dating, and feeling sorry for yourself then it’s time to follow these three steps to get past it and move on!
First, begin to let go of your regret. There are two ways of doing so. Your first option is simply call them! Pick up the phone and apologize for the part you played in the process. It helps to honestly wish them well because it makes it easier for everyone to move on. I like that option but I’ve found that often doesn't come to fruition. My take: Instead of looking for closure from them get it from yourself. You’re the most important person in this equation because you have to live with yourself, it’s your life, and you have to be comfortable and happy with your outcome. Self-forgiveness is masterful and goes a long way in restoring your self-esteem and honestly helps you overcome personal regret.
Two: It’s time to realize who you are! Ask yourself: what do you stand for and what do you love? Once you begin to understand yourself and what makes you tick, you begin to move forward with your life. Getting right with yourself goes a long way. Synchronicity doesn't come from sheer luck, it comes into one’s life with daily work, self exploration, and true self love.
Three: Acknowledge your reality. Face it, we both know the one that got away had to exit stage right because it was the best thing to happen for both of you. We have a tendency to run after them because of regret, low self-esteem, and even our desire for something we can’t have anymore. However, when we run after our past, we are running after an illusion and we miss out on living our present reality. Things happen for a reason even when we feel we could have done better. We tend to think if we were older things would have worked out and the list of things continue. However the truth is you’ll meet someone and they will become your true love. Going back to your past is inappropriate. Look to the future with love and self-assurance.
By: Ashley Berges